Right Now Is What It Is I Guess

by Better Wings

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04:33
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04:26
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02:21
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about

This album was written over a time period that spans from my first weeks of college to my very last days of freshman year and contains some of my strongest and most affecting emotions from that time. This whole thing basically amounts to a dressed up container of my feelings about things like leaving home, leaving college, some pretty girls, and the general quiet horror of personal existence. I've tried to make these subjects as pleasing to the ear as possible. Thanks for listening.


Thanks to one of my best friends Kyla Perlman for making the album cover.

credits

released June 24, 2015

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about

Better Wings New York, New York

One time I heard someone say "Man, Icarus didn't need to be smarter or more cautious-- he just should have had some better wings".

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Track Name: How to Be
And I wished we were all alone
So I could know your hands, and know your soul
All I want is to come in from cold
You look to my head but my heart’s so old

But it’s clear to me you’re on the run
I wish I could see who you’re running from
And this lure sits on my aching tongue
Yeah I still believe I can be someone

(chorus)
So go ahead and take me by the hand
We’ll make it if we both learn how to see
We’ll leave this place and find another land
Teach me what you know, and I’ll teach myself how to be

For so long this heart’s been on it’s own
But it never shakes like these ancient bones
I don’t need these walls I'm not alone
Got my friends and family they’re my home

I swore I’d never fall that hard again
I said I’d never let somebody else in
And then you had to go and smile at me
Guess I was wrong, and now I'm falling again

And hear me out, you know I don’t wanna leave
But I would in second if you asked me
Because darling you’ve got more of a pull on me
Than the tide’s got on the sea

[chorus]

First few weeks home and I just feel so out of place
The town that I grew up in’s not the same
Everyone says I'm the difference
Maybe they’re right, and I'm the one that’s changed

And I know that it’s been hard this year
And it’s quickly becoming clear
That the coming winter could be colder than the last
But at least most of my friends are here

[chorus]
Track Name: Fucked Up
(chorus)
I know that I’m worthless
I know that I’m fucked up,
Kind of an asshole,
I guess I deserve this
I know that I do
But everything I am
Everything I say,
Everything I do,
I’d give it all up then
Give it all up for you

But fuck this
Nobody deserves this
I’m full of shit
And it’s all on the surface
I can’t believe I ever thought that I might’ve had a chance

And the man who knows everything
Will write on the wall
The words I will never
Say to anyone
But no one will seem them
Cause he writes them just for me

And I don’t believe in anything much at all
And maybe that’s why I can never stand quite as tall
As you know I’d like to
Well of course I liked you

And you were the one I thought might be
The one who could possible tolerate me
But I'm not worth you, maybe another time, maybe another world
Maybe another me, maybe another girl

[chorus]

If she’s happy I'm happy
I shout at myself
This would all get better if I could get the fuck out
But I'm so fucking selfish
I hate myself

I fuck up everything I try
I fuck up everything I try
So I will not say a word
My lips are shut, my mouth secure

I fuck up everything I try
I fuck up everything I try
So I will not say a word
My lips are shut, my mouth secure

The only way for me to cope
Is to distract myself the only way I know
The only way I know
It’s never helped before

I'm a fucking liar
I don’t fucking care
I wish I was somewhere
But I don’t know where
Maybe in your arms
But that’s not ever gonna be

I close my eyes and wish these last few months were all in my head

[chorus]

I said it takes a little more
Than a pretty girl
These days
To keep me up at night
But I guess that just wasn’t quite true
I guess I didn’t think of you

[chorus]
Track Name: Hands
You took my hand, and of course I didn’t mind
I hoped that you’d hold it, till the end of the night
Thought I saw your heart, I bet you could’ve seen mine
From a mile away, beating out of time

So give me a moment, I’d like to ask you to dance
I hope that you’ll notice, and give me a chance
With your hand in my own, feels like a knife at my throat
You make me feel like I can hardly stand

(chorus)
I’ll take it on the chin
If you don’t give a shit about me
That’s ok I'm fine
I'm always asking my friend
Why he writes so many love songs
Well now I know why
It’s the way your hair smells when you lean over me
It’s the way your eyes shine all the time
I’ve spent months here asking my friend
Why he writes so many love songs
But now I know why
I know why

But I shouldn’t have waited till the end of the year
Like a dumbass I fucked up, the instructions weren’t clear
All I want to do is talk with you, laugh at kids drinking beer
I should say something while we’re both here
But I won’t cause I fear
What you’ll say
I wish I could be one of those kids drinking beer

That night I wanted you to stick around
I would’ve stayed there forever, would have slept on that couch
We were close enough you didn’t have to speak so loud
But when you laughed with me I loved the sound
when you laughed with me I loved the sound

[chorus]

Because when you laughed with me I loved the sound
Track Name: Now That's What I Call Summer: Volume Teen
(chorus)
your head next to mine
your heart on my mind
there's nothing we can't be tonight
living life by starlight

ever since i was a young kid living in the burbs
moved here from california, missed my friends and the surf
spent a couple years depressed, I did not know which was worse
living like i was or dying alone, hit the dirt

so i hit the dirt with the soles of my feet
tires of my bike gave me food for my soul to eat
flying every night given wings by the books i used to read
fixed myself, gave me something i could keep

and damn, i was head over heels that summer
you and i, side by side one another
you and i, we were worthwhile lovers
your backyard every night, staring at the stars above us

on your trampoline where nobody could see us
dreaming of a day when a cap and gown would free us
teenagers wishing that we just knew how to be us
but tonight, we're alive, just because

[chorus]

18, driving like i knew i couldnt die
on those long road trips alone, every single night
sing along to those songs that i know saved my life
swore to myself that one day the words on the radio would be mine

cause music's always been there for me every single time
i needed it, i'll always have it right by my side
my guitar in my hand, and i got home on my mind
put my pen to the paper and let the ink do the crying

i've been fighting my demons and everything that i've feared
it hasn't always been easy i've struggle all of these years
but these words are my shield, my pen's my sword and my spear
i might never reach the top but shit it's keeping me here

staying here isn't easy but i guess i'm sticking around
i guess it might just be worth it to keep my feet on the ground
there's been months where i lose hope, but it's always been found
i've tried to capture that feeling and now i'm writing it down

[chorus]

i live my life by the microphone
i write my words then i scream my poems
music behind the lines i write i rhyme these words together till i free my soul

i surprise y'all when i'm not a standard rapper
i'm a godiva in a hersheys wrapper
yeah my flow's not great, my lips are chapped, sure
but my words are from the heart you can be damn sure

i'm young, yeah, and i'm dumb, damn
and i fuck up most of my plans
but at the end of the day, i really need this, man
only music stops these shaking hands

this notebook is my only friend on the
days i cannot see the end of this
road i'm on, the fordham one, with the
setting sun up in my eyes, i'm gone

[chorus]

and now im alone again
i know im not my only friend
we're here until the end
and we're not broken, just bent
Track Name: Arrival/Departure
The memories we made here won't just be gone with us
They'll live inside these walls as well
When we go
It was sunny yesterday and now I feel a little bit of a drizzle on my skin
It's getting cold

And I'll miss this place with all my heart
When I feel like I'm falling apart
I'll remember your smile and your eyes
And I'll remember that kid in his tights
The friends I hope I'll never leave behind
Cause we're forever you and I

When the people I love most in this world
Live in my house
For a year or so
I get so spoiled
I hate not knowing
When I'll see them again
It's killing me, soon I'll be dead

But it doesn't matter
How it ends
It matters that it happened
We are all of us visitors
In this place
So tell me your stories again
While we have time and space

You know that we are perfection
More than the sum of our parts
As though by some constant convention
In, in our hearts

So maybe this place will change
And so will we
But even if nothing's the same
We will still be
Track Name: Trouble Sleeping
Can I listen to myself alone now
My mind is like a revolving door
But if everything works out the way it should
And I’m alone again once more

Well I’ll be happy
Because I need to show myself
That I'm ok being alone
That it maybe even helps

(chorus)
My friends and I we all have trouble sleeping
And yeah we know that one day we will be alright
But until that day we all have trouble sleeping
So stay awake with me tonight

We all know the pills don’t work
No the medicine you feed us is all expired
So tell us again how you know what’s best for us
Better than we do, and I’ll call you a liar

Our grandparents were called the best and the brightest
The greatest generation, why can’t these new kids measure up
Millennials, we’re lazy and we don’t give a shit
They push us down but they can’t keep us from getting up

But despite everything I guess we’re doing ok
We know we can fix all of this some day
It’s bleak now but at least we’ve got each other
It’s a painful road but at least we know the way

[chorus]

This life leaves tattoos on our bodies, every part
I call them tattoos cause I hate to call them scars
And I know this world will leave us broke and battered
But though our skin is pierced it can never reach our hearts
Though our skin is pierced, it can never reach our hearts

I was outside
For a long time
Last night
Tomorrow I’ll do it again (3x)

I was outside
For a long time
Last night
'cause it's better than failing at sleeping

[chorus]