Bigger Fish Some Day

by Better Wings

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about

Well friends, it has happened again: my constant unhealthy internalization of all of my problems and emotions has eventually built up so much that all of my feelings came out in the form of a couple shitty songs. I took what I considered to be the best of those songs and put them on this album for you all to listen to, and hopefully to commiserate with me.

This album is a bit lighter than my last one in terms of content but it is still the same crappy lo-fi quality as always. I wrote this album over the course of this past summer, although some lines have been salvaged from some older songs of mine. The name of the album has been rattling around in my brain for quite a while, and I originally just wanted to use it as a song title. But when I finished writing the song Bigger Fish I realized that the idea of knowing (or rather, hoping) that something better will come along for us someday is an idea that I think is present at least a little bit in every song on this album. And as I head back to college for my second year (holy shit), the idea that we'll all be catching bigger fish someday is an idea that I want to bring along with me, and I hope with all of my heart I can keep believing it.

Anyways everything else aside, thank you a lot. I know I am not a very good musician, and the fact that anybody takes the time to listen to my music at all blows my mind and fills me with so much happiness. Y'all have no idea. I really consider any person who takes the time to listen to a single song of mine a friend.







"Whatever, forever" always sounded a bit unambitious to me, so I'm trying to make a new phrase popular:

Whatever, together.

credits

released August 29, 2015

Thank you to George Hajjar for taking this picture of me when I wasn't looking so the album can seem artsy. And a HUGE WONDERFUL thank you to my good friend slash beautiful flower child and land mermaid Luis Gómez for editing that picture and making the album art.

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about

Better Wings New York, New York

One time I heard someone say "Man, Icarus didn't need to be smarter or more cautious-- he just should have had some better wings".

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Track Name: Summer Days / Summer Nights
I’ve never smoked in my life
but some of my friends get high enough every night to last us all a lifetime
we’re in and out of time
and maybe its the second hand smoke in these basements alone with each other
but we’ll never get over
the way that we were for a couple of summers
the way that we were before
please tell me that this isn’t over
this summer’s too young to be waking up sober
fuck this I’m not growing up
no I’m just growing older
so keep your chin up
and we’ll keep our heads above water
for just a little more time

and I’m not gonna lie to you
theres something about these summer nights
going to bed with the morning dew
I'm in love with all of my friends and i
if you feel like you’re missing out
come join us
its getting real good right now
join the chorus

chorus:
the heat of these bright summer days
burns warm in our hearts on these summer nights
there are all kinds of love in the world
but never the same love twice

i hope i never die like Churchill
i hope I’m never bored of it all
and i hope that when i can’t walk anymore
ill crawl
and i hope that the way we’ve been living these days
won’t stay the same for the rest of my life
and i hope that one day I’ll look at myself and finally take my own god damn advice
if you’re drowning
I’ll pull you up onto my ship
lately my anchor's been weighing me down
but I’m starting to give it the slip
just know that I’m sorry
for everything
the good and the bad keep me up at night
im yelling out, someone help
make this alright
please make this alright

they say we all dig our own graves
if thats true I’ll make mine
unmarked shallow and out of the way
out of sight out of mind
cause they say that the good die young
so i expect we're gonna live forever

got this pain in my chest that demands to be felt
its a hole in my heart, its a notch on my belt
its the way that the sky falls
its the reason we all fall
its our past, its our future
its our scars, and its our sutures
its our open wounds, broken bones
bleeding skin, all i know’s
no one gets out of this life
alive
and no one in their right mind
wants to stay behind
no one in their right mind
wants to stay behind

if you had kissed me
i would’ve kissed you back
and i hope you knew that

if you had kissed me
i would’ve kissed you back
and i guess you knew that

[chorus]
Track Name: Secrets
Promise you won't speak a word
I'll tell you everything I’ve ever heard

I’ll whisper all my secrets you’re the only one I’d tell
drop dead or swear it, and I’ll swear it to you as well
honey we keep running so we really might as well
beat our feet until we reach the exit, hit the ground running like hell

Promise you won't speak a word
And I'll confess my sins
as i repeat them word for word
I realize they're my only accomplishments

i ache to see tomorrow, one more spin around this earth
and all my friends and family seem to not know what they’re worth
we tear apart our bodies and it only sort of hurts
I’ve been waiting on a taxi, but I think I’d rather call a hearse

if this is it we might as well be angry and be loud
all i want to do is somehow crawl out of this crowd
you know all of this is something I could never do without
You are here and I am here and that is all I need for now

i never turned to a bottle but i got this pen in my hands
only salvation's in confessing all my previous sins
said it once and then again that when i read you my list
they’re all my only accomplishments
but i wish i knew what you want me to do
right now anyone could see right through
my whole facade is painted on i wish i could fit into the outline i drew
look around at all these pretty faces that we’re next to
I’ll show you my secrets, the scars under my tattoos
this journal and pencil’s always been my spray and my stencil
i don’t pray to your god, but i know this body’s a rental
I’ve been trying to move but all i can do is stand still
look I’ll rip out my heart just so you’ll have a memento
now I'm arresting and wrestling my resurrected depression
man I’ve been tryna find my own way but I’m stuck no directions
fear’s been eating me lately, it’s like some constant convention
i know that i can’t be perfect, so I’m stuck hating perfection

just love me tonight
and then
tomorrow

if you love me tonight
please come back
tomorrow
Track Name: Shadows
you know I’ve got a lot of shadows
more than i can count
i just wish you could hear me
without me having to shout

bet theres something in the water
makes me raise my hands
theres just so much that i don’t know
please help me understand

So whisper to me, i can’t
think, i believe, i am
drowning but i see the shore
if wonder and hope could fix
things i’d be done here
no one would fight anymore

i've made a lot of deals with devils
more than i can count
im not quite sure how i got here
or how I’m getting out

shadows laying on the city
look at the skyline
well looking up they’re almost pretty
and almost as dark as mine

shadows will fall over you
everything we know is true
they’ll knock us down, they’ll beat us black and blue
my shadows all walk in my shoes

thank god for all my shadows so i never walk alone
doing time for a crime in my mind is all I’ve known
all these crimes in my mind, if i say I’m fine I’m lying
but I’m not sure what I’ve done, so this might all be for show
do you know who i am? do you know what I’ve done?
all you see is my facade you don’t know I’m on the run
wanted to be a better man, wanted to be a better son
same thing my idol said, thank god I’m not the only one
spent a lot of time wondering when they would come for me
asked a lot of people silently if they would run with me
all i ever wanted was someone to share some time with me
turns out the things that follow you aren’t always the best of company

shadows will fall over you
everything we know is true
they’ll knock us down, they’ll beat us black and blue
my shadows all walk in my shoes

So whisper to me, i can’t
think, i believe, i am
drowning but i see the shore
if wonder and hope could fix
things i’d be done here and
no one would fight anymore

you know I’ve got a lot of shadows
more than i can count
Track Name: Here's To Us
heres to us
they say we made it
better to erupt
than fade in
and out of time
we wish we were going home
but we’re not alone
its enough
to stay here
but not for long
can’t wait here
we’re not that strong
so pour one out for the ones
we left behind

and if you go i will go as well
and if you don’t i won’t ever tell

chorus:
honey this is it this is what we do
wish we could be the people we thought we were
yeah way back in the day when we thought we knew
he’ll always feel something at the thought of her

I'm sorry
I'm so tired
All the time
You don't believe me
When I say I'm fine
and i wish that i could lie
but you read my mind
theres so much
im unsure about
in this life
and i wonder how
we’re getting by
cause we sure as hell aren’t fine
guess we’re good enough

It's a nightmare and you know I'm trying
But I just can't sleep anymore at night

[chorus]

cause honey this is it this what we do
we live with the decisions that others choose
the people that we love they don’t always stay
now all we want is to be in other shoes

everyone
is hurting
honey don’t forget
but we’re learning
its not that bad
to wear your heart on your sleeve
so don’t cut it off
yeah we’re all
just lost kids
in a park
mortals dancing
defying the dark
but we’ll never lose our spark
and that’s just enough

yeah it sucks but there’s not other way
and this all will end but not today

[chorus]

everybody’s fucked honey don’t forget
our heads are gonna pay for our hearts' demands
just take a look around at this world we’re in
they say everybody’s ok but it’s just pretend

so as much as we might wanna get outta here
i think we’d rather love and lose than to just be bare
i know it hurts but scars they heal and we live and learn
he’ll always feel something at the thought of her
Track Name: Drought
Tell me I'm falling apart
And I’ll believe you
But tell me I need someone
And I’ll tell you that you’re wrong
But you know that I'm full of shit
I’m totally see through
“I know what I'm doing”
Says the liar in my mouth

And this it, this is what we wanted
When we set out
I'm doing the whole thing right
But I still feel wrong
I guess we’re gonna have to wait this one out
Another year of drought

I’ve never been sure
If what I'm doing’s right
I wish somebody could tell me
That I'm doing just fine
It’s so hard
To believe
In what I
Can’t see
Maybe this year’s just not for me

If I could just have a minute to relax
I might stop kicking myself in the face
But every time I’m alone
I crank the sound, turn up the bass
until i can’t hear myself think anymore
till I don’t know my kitchen sink anymore

And that’s ok
Everything has been too loud for a long time
And it’s ok
That I’ll probably be alone for a long time

I just
wanna forget, and not remember
this summer heat can’t bring no one together
end of the summer is the end of forever
just wanna skip this town, but its got my heart on a tether

and this
isn’t what i thought I’d be doing
who i am right now is fighting with who i could be
I’m always scared that if you really knew me
you’d leave me behind, and maybe that’s where i should be
I guess we’re gonna have to wait this one out
Another year of drought
Track Name: Bigger Fish
when i was a boy
my father took me to the sea
he handed me a fishing pole
that looked taller than a tree
to look me in the eyes
he had to get down on his knees
and ill always remember
what he said to me

he said
no one gets remembered for the things they didn’t do
and i know you’re just a boy, and so you’ve got so much to prove
but even if you only catch minnows today
don’t worry son, you’ll get some bigger fish one day
don’t worry son, you’ll catch some bigger fish some day

and all my life
I’ve lived, wanting to escape
and then one night i met the girl
that gave beauty a name
i could never afford her jewelry
and i had only myself to blame
but she just whispered these words to me
then kissed me anyway

she said
no one gets remembered for the things they didn’t do
and i know that we’re just kids, and so we’ve got so much to prove
but even if we’re only catching minnows today
don’t worry boy, we’ll get some bigger fish one day
don’t worry boy, we’ll catch some bigger fish some day

so if i win or lose
it doesn’t matter in the end
what i did or didn’t do
it only matters who i am
doesn’t matter if I’m doing great
or if I’m only doing bad
cause i can always tell myself
as long as i stand

that even though no one gets remember by the things they didn’t do
and i know I’m still a kid, and I’ve still got so much to prove
even though I’m only catching minnows today
i know I’ll get some bigger fish some day
Track Name: Some Day
think about all the things we have
think about how none of them are good
think about all the lives we led
before we got to this one

see i don’t think that we’ll ever get over
the way we were born, or the way we get older
our lives are too short for these chips on our shoulders
alright, alright

show me your heart and i’ll show you a friend and
show me you’re broken and i’ll help you mend
just come take my hand cause we’re waking the dead
tonight, oh tonight

or call me a fake and i’ll call you a liar
and you’ll call it fate, but you’re wearing a wire
ask after my bones and I’ll show you the fire
inside, inside

how does it feel
to be so fucking replaceable
i would know
i know

she asks how does it feel
to be so goddam useless
well i would know
and i know

think about all the things we have
think about how none of them are good
think about all the lives we led
before we got to this one

and maybe this life wasn’t made for the ones who
as much as they try can’t live without wanting to
get out alive, feel like I’m looking out through
the glass, the glass

and all of these feelings i have overwhelm me
the way that i am’s not the way that i wanna be
i want to stand tall but my body betrays me
and i forget

and I’ve made mistakes, and you have too
and I’ve caught some breaks and I’m sure I’ve missed a few
and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how everything has to end
and when it does what’ll happen to me and what’ll happen to you

cause this could all end so well
but until then we just can’t tell

and i wonder if you’re alright
and i wonder if you’re ok
and i wonder if you still plan
on digging your own grave

So don’t be a stranger
no don’t just walk away
round here things have been even stranger
than the way we left that day

and i wonder if you’re alright
and i wonder if you’re ok
and i wonder if you still plan
on digging your own grave

and i wonder if you’re alright
and i wonder if you’re ok
and i wonder if you still plan
on digging your own grave

and i wonder if you’re ok
and i wonder if you’re alright
and i wonder if you still plan
on digging all night